hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
