Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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