We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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