But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
