there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
