I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
