Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
