The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
