If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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