my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
