Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
