When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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