I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
