I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
