while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
