I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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