I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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