Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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