Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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