Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
