I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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