Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
