The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
