Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
