I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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