I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
