New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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