Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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