there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
