she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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