there's paper in my vomit.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
