I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
