FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this boner is exhausting
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
