i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
