Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
