Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
