I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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