my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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