just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
