grandma shit on top of the toilet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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