Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
