I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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