the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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