I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
