so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
