Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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