i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
