i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
