It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
