the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
