If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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