Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
